Odd Birds

In what ways do you or don’t you fit in with others? How are you “odd”, different, unique?

Walking my bike over the narrow foot bridge

That crosses the LA River,

I see a man leaning on the railing

Looking at the water and wildlife below,

A pigeon quietly sitting at his elbow.

He not feeding her or making other overtures.

Just companions for each other.

I slow my pace,

Wanting to not frighten the bird,

And remark to him about his feathery friend.

“She’s here every morning.

She doesn’t fit in the flock”,

He says with a smile,

“And neither do I.”

So it’s their morning ritual

To keep each other company.

“We odd birds need to hang out together”

I say to him.

He smiles, and nods.

I smile and continue on my way. 

Bibi Caspari  ©  6/29/17  

Carrying Water

Do you ever feel frustrated? About what? How can you handle your frustrations in a proactive, positive manner?

How can you be present to and pragmatically work toward your dreams in such a way to constructively handle the obstacles that are in the way? What resources does that involve?

  

Feeling frustrated.

Wanting more time

For projects

I’m dreaming of

And working on.

Cherishing how,

Through my work,

I contribute to others

(Or so I believe) -

Supporting insights, inspiring, motivating -

While contributing to myself.

Yet busy with other tasks

And demands.

Carrying gray water

From my kitchen sink

To the backyard

To water the plants.

What if this were my job?

And all else

A gift of love

I give myself and others?

I love being outside,

And transitioning

From inside to out.

I love my plants,

And conserving water.

The moment expands.

All that exists is carrying water

And the plants I love.

What bliss!

Bibi Caspari  © 11/16/16

Pruning is Good

Have you ever had someone or something in your life that you knew was problematic, but it was hard for you to let go? What did you do about it?

Have you ever had to cut someone or something from your life? How did it hurt and/or benefit you?

It seems one of my callings,

To beckon

To point out

To urge

Others to see

What they may not want to.

People usually don’t want to wake up.

(I often don’t.

When people call me on my stuff,

I generally resist.)

But pruning is good.

If a branch needs pruning,

It being gone

Supports growth and wellness.

With an arborist's vision,

I perceive

The strength, beauty and fullness

The tree could have

If pruned and cared for properly.

It pains me to see

The sickening of the tree

With too much to support

And some of it diseased.

Pruning is good.

And feared by many

Who don’t want to change

And won’t let go.

And knowing it’s needed,

I proceed with courage.

An empath,

I hurt myself

While pruning.

So I wail the blues

And the singing helps.

Fearful, too,

Rarely certain.

Am I making a mistake?

Am I cutting the right branch?

In the right way?

Will I go too far?

Will I kill the tree?

But if I don’t prune,

A heavy branch may break

Or the tree may sicken and die.

Fearful, too,

Of possible backlash,

Or being pruned.

I want choices to be mine

Not decided by another.

I’m not always right.

(Though often I am.)

The orange and lemon trees

That grace my backyard

And prune almost yearly

Are healthy and fruitful.

I opened up

To a new man in my life,

And he slammed me.

I offered

A mirror for him to see

What needed pruning

If he chose to do so.

He was blind, deaf and dumb.

So I let it go.

I let him go.

I moved on.

Pruning is good.

Those who don’t want to

I may prune from my life.

Pruning is good

Supports growth and wellness.

Often valued

This work I do,

Though it may take time.

“To my greatest teacher

Of life, love and growing up.”

The writer wrote to me

Years after we split

As an inscription

In the front of

The book he authored.

Another asked for

Gentle pushing;

A kind of pruning.

So I did.

Initially resisting,

Then thanking me.

“You pushed me to grow.

I’m better for having you

In my life.

I was really lucky.

I had a good mentor.”

Ah, yes,

Pruning is good

Supports growth and wellness.

Thank you.

Bibi Caspari © 1/18/16

The Question

Because of people’s judgments of me (I was too emotional, too outspoken, too whatever), I used to hide parts of myself out of fear of being rejected. Then I decided to move past those judgments and dare to more fully be who I am.

Are there parts of yourself that you have felt a need to hide? What parts? Why have you hidden those parts? What cost and pay off might there be in revealing those parts?

Are you ready for a woman

Who howls at the moon

Full of her passion

Feeling the pulse of life

Coursing through her veins?

Are you ready for a woman

Who wails with grief, her own

Or the torment of feeling

The pain of both Mother Earth

And Her children?

Are you ready for a woman

Who is radically honest,

Who looks and dives into

The shadow as well as the light

And speaks her truth of both?

Are you ready for the challenges

Of facing your fears

As she names the demons that you house

Or the dark places that you resist looking at?

Are you ready for a woman

Who jumps off cliffs

Following the path of the heart

Daring to live authentically

Risking endlessly

Stepping into the unknown?

Are you ready for a woman

With such a huge capacity for love

That she opens an oceanic embrace

Deep and wide

For you and others?

Are you ready?

Bibi Caspari © 6/9/06

This Child

We all have an inner child. How healthy is your inner child? Does he/she still want to play and explore? What does she/he want to have/do/be? How can you encourage your inner child?

This exuberant, passionate child -

Angry, hopeful, joyful, frustrated.

I/She wants it all

Have, do, be.  

No reasoning with her

About the impossibility.

Her passion so huge,

Impossible is not a word she knows.

I love her dearly

And find her passion difficult.

Too much.

Overwhelming.

Impossible.

And yet…

On the other side,

Miracles exist…

The Universe is curved

And parallel lines meet.

Nothing is impossible?

Bibi Caspari © 4/22/06

Another Way

We tend to view life through a distorted lens based on thoughts about our experiences. Reframing can help us see reality in a different and more positive way. Do you know anyone whose outlook sometimes creates problems? How might that person change his/her orientation to have a more positive view?

You fear thinking of the past,

Of people who hurt you,

Afraid of the anger that arises;

So you build more walls.

There is another way to live.

The hurt and anger can be healed.

Energy is as real as things.

While it may not be easy,

Forgiveness is a reality

That we can create.

I feel sad for your loneliness,

Needing people to be present

To experience love.

There is another way to live.

While I love hugs

And the deliciousness

Of being physically present,

Just thinking of loved ones,

I feel the love.

Energy is as real as things.

Love is a reality

That we can receive and create.

But not able to feel love

All the way to your core,

No amount is ever enough.

Melt the shell around your heart

And the warmth can come through.

Energy is as real as things.

Love is a reality

That we can receive and create.

When open to the flow of love,

We more easily are present to

And attract it from the world. 

There is no scarcity.

Love is everywhere.

The gay man at the memorial

Sharing deeply from his heart

His losses and grief.

Sweet conversation and connection

With the Persian woman at the spa.

Same with the mountain man,

Delivering my fire wood,

Sharing his hopes and dreams

And hugging at the end of our work together.

These new connections are fuel for my fire

As are the stable ongoing nurturing connections

With those who are chosen family.

An hour talking on the phone with my daughter,

The current deep and strong.

Even the delight of my purring cat;

All these and the thoughts of these warm my being.

This of which I speak –

I’m not always there.

But energy is as real as things.

Love is a reality

That we can receive and create.

There are times when I experience

The blissful luxury

Of drinking it,

Soaking in it,

Swimming in it.

Let’s co-create an ocean of love.

Bibi Caspari © 1/26/16

I Hate Shouting

Noise bothers me. What kind of situations or experiences bother you? What does that say about you and what you care about? How can you express that concern and meet that need in a positive way?

Do you ever feel like the world is too noisy? If so, too noisy for what? What do you want to listen to and hear that you can’t with all the noisiness of the world?

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

I hate shouting.

Loud voices. Raucous parties.

Cheerleaders. Leaf blowers.

A slap on the back.

A poke on the arm.

These little violences

Obscure the subtle voice within.

Why do I hate shouting?

It’s hard to hear God

(Goddess/Great Spirit/Inner Wisdom/ Divine Spark)

Call her what you will. Or won’t. Or don’t call her. Or don’t listen.

And it’s hard to hear hummingbirds, too;

Or burbling fountains;

Or the wind whispering in the grasses.

Usually, God doesn’t shout

Unless you/we don’t heed the messages

She’s been whispering to us.

I don’t want to wait

Until cancer comes pounding on my door.

Until a fire rages, burning my house down.

Early morning,

Awaken from sleep,

I smell a bit of smoke,

Take action,

And prevent disaster.

My fingers tingle.

I better pay attention.

A gentle sadness beckons.

I take the time to listen.

Who is crying?

Who needs comforting?

Love is gentle,

Unless a whack on the head

Is needed to wake us up.

Then love can be tough.

Wake up, now, please.

Listen, before it’s too late.

She’s already shouting at us.

Bibi Caspari © 6/1/14

Neediness

We all have needs. So when does having needs slide into being needy? What is the difference between having needs and being needy? What causes neediness? How can we heal neediness?

Talking with my BFF,

He lonely and in pain,

Dealing with his fears

Of abandonment and isolation.

I, too, at times.

And also fear others’ neediness,

With their black holes

Impossible to fill.

And (cruelly?) speak to him of such.

Yet neediness,

Like all else,

Is a spectrum;

How much and

What kind:

The need to be seen,

To be heard,

To be touched,

To be held,

To be acknowledged,

To be loved.

Maybe those

Who aren’t ever needy,

Fearing and resisting vulnerability,

Build coats of armor

And are blocked from feeling.

Or those rare few

So filled with Love and Spirit

That there is no loneliness.

Though it is said

That even Jesus

Cried out

“Why hast thou forsaken me?”

The need for compassion

For myself, for him

And for these vulnerable naked animals

That we are.

Bibi Caspari © 4/7/16

Echoes

Do you have a particular ability that sometimes helps you to perceive or understand things that others may not be aware of? How could you contribute to others by sharing what you notice?

In a market,

An unseen baby briefly cries,

Nearby, a mother strokes her baby’s head.

I laugh with the beauty of the echo

And mention to mother number two

What I saw:

The ricochet of energy,

The crying of one child

Leading to a need for a mother

To comfort hers.

She thanks me for the noticing

And the sharing.

Her gesture had been unconscious

And she is grateful to know

How instinctually her love

Envelopes her cherished one.

My delight in my gift to her,

So simple, and easy for me;

My seeing what most others don’t.

I treasure how the love

Echoes and circulates,

Reverberating

Onward. 

Bibi Caspari © 9/13/15